What I Really Meant to Say....

By now we all know that waitressing is all about creating a pleasant, cheerful, persona. One that doesn't get upset or frustrated. One that can handle anything thrown its way on a busy Friday night.

I have found the best way to keep that persona alive, is to play a little game I like to call "What I really Meant to Say". So the customer may never actually hear what I really meant to say, but believe me, the rest of the staff knows...

When serving the couple who can drink 7 glasses of diet soda during a one hour meal.
"Of course, I'll be right back with a refill."
What I Really Meant to Say...
"Are you kidding me??? I've made 6 trips to your table already, and I know that you are only going to leave a $4 tip. Maybe I should just hook up an IV!"

When serving the man who ordered a Medium Rib Eye and got a beautiful Medium Rib Eye that is making my mouth water.
"Oh I am so sorry sir. The kitchen seemed to have under cooked it a bit, I'll take it right back and have them put it on for a minute. Would you like a salad on the house while you wait?"
And When I return with a slightly more cooked Medium Well Rib Eye....
"It was only on for a minute, I cannot understand how they managed to overcook it in only 2 minutes."
What I really meant to say...
"Just order the damn chicken!"

When serving the family who let their kids throw popcorn all over the floor, dump out all of the sugar packets, and smear marinara sauce and hot fudge on the table, the seats, the windows, and the couple sitting next to them.
"Oh, don't worry about the mess, I can take care of it."
What I really meant to say...
"It's a busy Friday night. Not only is my table taken up when you eat, I now have to take 20 extra minutes just to clean up the mess that your little heathens have made. Thank you for that 12% tip. It's good to know that you appreciate my time."

When serving the couple that can't just order off the menu, and need 15 changes made to each item ordered.
"Oh, I can't believe that they forgot the walnuts on your sandwich! I'll be right back with some for you."
What I really meant to say...
"The 17 other things you ordered changed came out right. I know you didn't ask for walnuts, too. But I will get them because you won't eat the sandwich without them, and I need you to eat - fast - so you will leave."

Remember When....

This is an original from Waitress-Stories...

Face it, we all need a little amusement in our lives....


So last night, I got into an interesting conversation with one of my co workers...

We've both been at the restaurant for WAY TOO many years, so between the two of us, we were able to remember some of the most interesting moments.

Remember when a certain waitress accidentally sat on a tub of grill cleaner that was left out of the closet and got burns on her behind? (Yeah, really toning that down - I know) 
I hear she still has scars. She was out for almost two weeks. (Sorry, honey, yes, we laughed...)

Remember when the teenagers set off the fire alarms and we all had to go outside and wait in the rain for over an hour while they cleared the building?
Yep we were busy that night! And we still had to go back in to clean up the messes on the table. Too bad no one had to pay...or tip...

Remember when the power went out, and I was waiting on a party of 10 that would certainly have left a sweet tip - if I could have served them food?
Yes I do - and remember cleaning up the mess in the galley after waiting over 2 hours for the power to come on?

Remember when we got the alarm for the take out people to "wear" to the cars?
Remember how many times the restaurant lit up and the alarm rang through the dining room before they took it away???

Remember when Woburn had ecoli in their drinking water, and we caught people brushing their teeth in the bathroom? 
And scrubbing their armpits?

Remember when a certain bartender chased a customer out the door because he left a crappy tip? 
Yep - she got fired...

Remember when a certain waitress chased a customer out into the parking lot because they didn't pay? Then proceeded to scream at them even though the customer was twice her size?
I miss her...

There are a million more... and I'm sure we all have some...